


On A Cold Winter's Night

by DCFanGuy



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 04:44:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17135177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCFanGuy/pseuds/DCFanGuy
Summary: It’s the night of Christmas and while some of Gotham’s finest are safely in their homes, awaiting the big day, others are out looking for mischief.





	On A Cold Winter's Night

The slapping of handcuffs was nothing new to the Joker. It was as predictable as the sun rising and setting but it was nevertheless rather entertaining as well. Last week, he had broke out of Arkham with the Riddler and while the two of them didn’t always see eye to eye, a mutually beneficial partnership had blossomed with the two of them. 

On a cold winter’s night, otherwise known as Christmas Eve, the Joker and the Riddler had managed to make at least twelve different heists throughout Gotham City, all the while managing to be one step ahead of the Dark Knight and his ever growing cadre of young and annoying allies. 

They would’ve settled for an unlucky thirteen (for some) but the last place they thought about hitting was already coated in vines and both the Joker and Riddler knew that Poison Ivy would be far more of a challenge to them than either Batman or his band of brats, so they changed tack and decided to head to the Iceberg Lounge for a bit of a party.

“Gentlemen, I want no trouble whatsoever,” Oswald Cobblepot said sternly, personally delivering them a bucket with complimentary champagne in a foolish attempt to keep the peace. “So much as under tip my wait staff and you’re both out.”

“Understood, Oswald,” the Riddler said, popping the cork open and pouring himself a drink as the Joker rubbed his hands with childish glee.

“We wouldn’t dream of bringing such a respectable place into disrepute,” the Joker smiled and in that moment, Oswald feared the worst.

It also didn’t take long for the very worst to actually happen either. It seemed that both the Joker and Riddler had managed to hijack another gang’s heist during their twelve heist spree and the leader of the gang wasn’t having any of it. He didn’t care one iota that he had been gazumped by two of Gotham’s infamous criminals and because he wanted to make a name for himself, he openly threatened the Joker. Even his lowliest of henchmen knew that wasn’t going to end well.

The Joker smiled that sinister smile that tried to look friendly but couldn’t. A smart up and coming gangster would’ve retreated but this guy was foolish enough to try and pull a gun on the Joker. A shot of acid from a squirting flower removed the gun. Another shot of acid flew into the would be gangster’s face before a bullet between the eyes courtesy of the Clown Prince of Crime ended the would be gangster’s criminal career on the spot.

“Can’t you go one night without killing someone?” the Riddler sighed in annoyance, just about stopping himself from using the words “it’s Christmas” but it was nothing compared to Oswald’s desperate attempts to calm his punters as the Dark Knight, the other Boy Wonder and the GCPD all showed up as if on clockwork. Oswald knew he had some explaining to do as the Dynamic Duo were taking on both the Joker and Riddler and winning the fight.

“I assure you, I had nothing to do with this at all,” the Penguin folded his arms in irritation as the Iceberg Lounge had yet again become the scene of a crime and he could feel his attempts of trying to run a legitimate business getting further called into question. “And I don’t appreciate your miscreants thrashing my place any more than him.”

Gordon realised that last word and it’s emphasis was solely on Batman who just kept an icy stare on the Joker. 

“Oh yes, Pengy’s been ever such a good boy these days,” the Joker snorted with sickening sarcasm. “It’s so disappointing.”

“Well, you’ll be in for more disappointment back at Arkham, clown,” Gordon said as Batman shoved him in the back of a police van and secured him tightly. 

“On the naughty list again, what’s new?” the Joker mock sighed as he blew Batman a kiss to the annoyance of the latter.

“You don’t need to be so rough, kid,” the Riddler grimaced as the younger Robin kept a firm grip on him before two officers took a hold of him. “Hasn’t your mentor taught you basic respect for your elders?”

“Just making sure you don’t go anywhere,” Robin retorted, watching as Riddler was soon cuffed into the same van as the Joker. “Mr Riddler.”

Riddler gave the Boy Wonder a withering look before his attention was turned back to his clownish partner in crime.

“You know, Ed,” the Joker said in as patronising a manner as he could muster. “I just don’t think this is working out. It’s not you, it’s me. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s very much you. You see, you’re just not the kind of partner in crime I’ve grown accustomed to, I’m afraid.”

“Oh yes, where is your former partner these days?” the Riddler retorted with the same level of sarcasm as the doors to the van closed and both criminals found themselves being escorted back to Arkham.

The Penguin gave both the Dynamic Duo and Commissioner Gordon a withering look of disapproval before heading back inside his nightclub and muttering to himself that his life had been far easier when he was on the opposite side of the law. 

As Robin got back into the Batmobile, he too also wondered about Harley Quinn. Nightwing and Batgirl had gone after the Joker’s former lover and Poison Ivy but it had been a while since either of his other partners in crime fighting had contacted him. Harley and Ivy were formidable on their own but more so together.

They had run for a bit before hailing down a cab and getting a lift back to the swanky apartment that they had taken over. The owners wouldn’t mind as Ivy had encouraged them to treat themselves to a lovely trip to Bermuda while she and Harley promised to ‘look after’ the place over the holiday period. Killing them would’ve been just as easier but Ivy was feeling the holiday mood (Harley’s influence no doubt rubbing off on her) and minus an unfortunate altercation with Nightwing and Batgirl, the night had been rather fruitful to boot.

Of course when Harley and Ivy did enter the luxury apartment they were squatting in, it didn’t surprise either of them that there was a visitor waiting for them. Fortunately for them, it wasn’t the Dark Knight, but still it was someone who they couldn’t always trust, though tonight they did prove to be a help in distracting the sidekicks.

“Evening ladies,” Catwoman smiled, perched on the window sill, window open, letting the cold air come in. “It’s chilly out there.”

Harley ignored her for a moment to put back on the Christmas tree lights as Ivy rummaged into the loot bag they had and produced a jewel encrusted cat statue.

“I assume your helping us escape the fur and feathered pests tonight was for this,” Ivy held out the statue, unsure as to whether or not to give it to the cat burglar.

“I also felt like getting into the Christmas spirit and helping out the less fortunate,” Catwoman replied, before glancing around the apartment. Ivy then tossed the statue, which the cat burglar managed to catch. “Though, given that you two are bunked up here for the holidays, I’d say you’ve landed on your feet pretty well. Where are the owners?”

“Bermuda,” Harley said simply, before heading into the fridge for something to eat. Robbing horrible rich people of valuable crap they didn’t appreciate was hungry work. “Why, Cat lady, looking for a place to crash?”

“I might be,” Catwoman purred, “but for now, there’s someone else who needs my Christmas cheer.”

“And they say we court trouble, Harls?” Ivy raised an eyebrow, as Catwoman perched on the window sill, ready to head out into the night, cat statue now firmly in a pouch..

“Normal is overrated,” Catwoman smiled, looking at both the plant queen and jester. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be friends.”

“Just as long as ya don’t bring any of your other friends our way, Kitty Cat,” Harley smiled, helping herself to one of Ivy’s organic but not very appetising substitutes for mince pies. 

“Jeez, Red, where did you get these?”

“That’s probably something we can turn into an entertaining guessing game,” Ivy teased as she watched Selina dive right out of the window. It was a miracle the cat burglar didn’t go splat but as the latter liked to brag – cats always did land on their feet. 

Ivy looked out the window for a moment and watched as Catwoman dived from roof to roof looking for a good time. Turning over to see Harley try and guess what lovely Christmas presents were under the tree from a society ball they liberated their loot from earlier in the evening, Ivy knew that she didn’t have to go anywhere else for a good time on this cold winter’s night.

Nightwing and Batgirl had trawled most of the city looking for Ivy and Harley with little to no success. At the society ball, it felt like they had the advantage over the queens of crime before Catwoman intervened and gave both Ivy and Harley the perfect chance to escape. That and the fact that Ivy had bound most of the guests in vines that would’ve choked them all to death had they not been cut off them immediately. 

As soon as Dick and Barbara had gone back to Wayne Manor, they were greeted by Alfred, carrying a tray of hot chocolate while Tim, still in his Robin suit, minus the head mask was clutching on to his own hot chocolate.

“He sent you guys home too, huh?” Tim nodded, taking a sip of his chocolate.

Dick and Barbara gave him a look that confirmed it before the former removed his eye mask and the latter her cowl. 

“I’m sure we can find some cheesy movie to watch before he comes home,” Tim said, heading into the living room and turning the television on. Barbara and Dick both stood in the hallway for a moment longer.

“You know Master Bruce,” Alfred said, letting the words hang. “He’ll be back for Christmas morning.”

“I know,” Dick replied wistfully before both him and Barbara went into watch a movie with Tim.

All three of them were tempted to go out and look for Bruce but all three of them knew that he needed some time to himself. 

It had been over an hour since she left Harley and Ivy to it and Catwoman’s hopes for some fun felt like they were beginning to dwindle. There was nowhere from her to steal that took her fancy or even some random would be mugger to stop for amusement. At this rate, she was about to head home and call it a night. Then he showed up.

“You took your time,” Selina said, not looking at the shadowy figure coming closer to her but instead admiring the statue that she didn’t even to loot in order to currently own. 

When he said nothing for a moment too long, she slowly turned around and saw that he had his serious face on. Lighten up, Bruce, it’s Christmas for God’s sake.

Although he was actually glad to see Selina, it didn’t take long for Batman to see the item that Catwoman had in her hand that only a brave man would try and claw out of her hand.

“That statue was stolen a few hours ago at a society ball, amongst other valuable items,” Batman said, trying to press her harder for information. “Where are they, Selina?”

“Give them tonight, Bruce,” Catwoman said, pressing him against the door of a rooftop escape. “We do this every year, get close to it but never close enough. They’re going nowhere until then. Forget being Batman for a second, be Bruce Wayne instead. What do you think he’d do?”

For a moment, Batman hesitated, tempted by what Catwoman was proposing on the rooftop. He could give both Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy one more night and then come after them and he could give in to what he really wanted to do with Catwoman right now. In his head, he reasoned why he should do both. In that moment, he pulled Catwoman in for a long kiss before breaking it off. 

“You said once that you can’t change who you are and I accept that to a point,” Batman smiled, his words soft and understanding. “But neither can I, Selina.”

Before Selina answered, he jumped from the rooftop and swung into the air. He had let her keep the jewel encrusted cat statue, though Selina suspected it might not be for long. He was right about not being able to change who he was and Catwoman knew that she couldn’t do the same either. When it came to friends and lovers, Catwoman knew that she needed both in her life and though it would seem like she was betraying one of them to help the other, she also knew that they would understand. After all, it was just the cat in her.

\---- The End ----


End file.
